"I'll be sad when we don't have a room with period features any more."

"Do you know what else doesn't have period features?"

"A man?"

Cross Keys

*lying provocatively on the floor*

"I have never been so eligible as I am now."

Little known facts

"Nah, the nuns at my school were really harsh."

Important questions

"If you have phone sex, does it de-virginify your phone?"

Superficial

"It's ok, you don't need to look at his head."

Sophistication

"Yeah, I just store all my clothes on the floor."

Mistaken identities

"Ew, I was just eating my hair because I thought it was noodles."

Bad night

"I am a paedophilic homewrecker!"

Self restraint

"I need to not get with a ginger so I still have something left for Never Have I Ever."

That makes it OK then.

"I've never actually vommed on anything that bad."

Realisation

"I'm going to start a religion called Sadie-ism."

*Awkward moment as realises that it just sounds like sadism*

Sounds

"Boob on yoga mat - the sound of the boat house."

Blackout

"We were watching the fireworks from the library and I was so drunk I don't know what he did with me."

Life ambition

"If I'm a really good bedder, can I row for W1?"

Well-travelled

"I've probably vommed in four or five stations."

Judgements

"She's a married lady and you're just a twat."

Yes, yes you should.

"I should probably take my trousers all the way off, shouldn't I?"

Mental Reset

"I think I know what happened, I turned it on and off and it thinks its a virgin."

Confusion

"I think my mother's the confused one - she doesn't know whether she wants a lesbian or a slut."

Cambridge education

"Is an egg a dairy product?"

Disbelief

*group of Petreans find themselves unable to find a spade.*

Size matters

"I could bring my 22-inch-er?"

"Nah, I've got a 23."

Euphemisms

"I'm going on a post-Cindies sleepover next week."

Childhood nostlagia

"I used to play in the bins when I was little."

Qualified

"I've been to penis training and I want to use it!"

Definitions.

"And we're having phone sex, but in the same room." "So, just sex then?"

Camping

"And who wants to sleep in a tent with a chicken outside!?"

Confident Hands

"Does it look romantic or slutty?"

High standard

'I wouldn't have sex in a bin! '

Dramatic exits

'I just walked into the toilet for effect there.'

Low standards

'If you put yourself in a bin, I'd sleep with you.'

Descriptions

*attempting to describe someone in their year*

'Yeah, she has brown hair.'

-end of description-

Childhood stories

'but without the peedos, we didn't get the booze! '

Priorities

'if I had a baby, I'd have to quit rowing'

Living in your own world

*resident of Gisbourne Court, I staircase*

"Where is L staircase?"

[L staircase is in Gisbourne Court.]

Masculinity

'I think my boyfriend has bigger boobs than me.'

Optimism

'I really thought that the fajita testicle was going to be the worst
part of last night'

Punishment

'That could be my punishment,  except that my boob cannot fit in my mug'

Accommodation

'I lived in Nanna Mexico over the summer.'

Life at Peterhouse

*Petrean entering room* ' I do really love potatoes'

Vaguely

'In fairness, her trying to shove it back in was vaguely sexual.'

First world problems

on eating a fajita: 'I need two mouths! '

Judgement

If I just cuddle the teddy, people won't judge me for spading!

One hand

"She could kill me with one hand...if she had a gun."

Basic standards

"I will buy some condoms, but I am not putting my cock in that machine."

Yolo

"People just say yolo and then I drink."

Splendid

"This is a splendid keyhole!"

Meat

Angry waiter trying to work out who is vegetarian at formal: *shoves slab of pork into person's face* "You want MEAT?"

Grandma #2

"My grandma is coming tomorrow."

"Your real grandma?"

"Yes."

"Is her name Dean?"

On rowing

Drunk fresher on rowing swap: "Rowing is a friender."

Already?

"But you've already kissed by the medium of text!"

Facebook

"Are you going to add that old man on Facebook?" *points to oil painting*

Favourite things

"What's your favourite thing about Peterhouse?"

"The fairies!"

Rules of pennying

"If I penny that candle, do you have to eat the wax?"

Being sneaky

Drunk Fresher: "You should just sneak into Lola's!"
Others: "How?"
Fresher: "You should pretend to be a tree..
                  .......oh wait, even I see how that's ridiculous."

More exciting

"I really think lamb is more exciting than beef."

M1

I'm the member of M1 who's the most bi.

Eyepatch

"I'm really good at staring contests because my sister used to wear an eyepatch."

Banana

*asking how to play Bananagrams* "Do we just have to spell 'banana'?"

FOMO

[before term begins] Person 1 *leaves rowing*

[week 2] Person 1 *attends outings, swaps and crew pasta*

Clocks

Person 1:"Why does EVERY film have a clock in it?"

Person 2: "Name another film with one it it."

Person 1: "All around the world in fifty days?"

Reminders

This blanket really reminds me of my towel.

Realisations

"I just didn't realise I'd made her naked."

Maybe

"This petal is so strong!...oooh, maybe I should be a PlantSci."

Grandma

"If it's not about Jews during the Holocaust, she generally doesn't like it."

Conception

"I conceived the whole letter-bop idea"

"...in your H-womb?"

"...by scissoring?"

Misheard words #2

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Drama

"You must never let the sun go down without knowing whether or not it is pus or not!"

Hot #2

*lecturer, pointing at a student who is about to answer a question correctly* 'YOU'RE HOT....oh, no like that.'

Worse things in life

"I'm sure there are worse things than tampons in hedges."

Safety first

"I feel like this bike is made of lead."

"Well at least it will protect you from radiation."

Calibration/circuits #3

"We should calibrate our bra sizes according to the number of dorsal raises that we can do."

Circuits #2

"So, you bend your arms like this."

"What arms?!"

Circuits

"...and this is how you do a dorsal raise."

"It looks like you are a dying fish."


*later* "Does this exercise look more or less like a dying fish than a dorsal raise?"

Mind map

Person 1: 'Eeeeeeee!'
Person 2: 'Oooh, what's happening?'
Person 1: 'Nothing, just getting excited about my mind map.'

Quality conversations

Person 1: "I just bought a towel from John Lewis and it cost me £25!"
Person 2: "Yeah, I have really bad bruises all over my legs."

New eye

"I had to get a new eye because I was staring at my phone too much."

Advice

*whilst washing a boat* "I was once told by a French farmer that I was never going to get married because I don't know how to clean windows."

Being cool.

*song comes on*

"Ooh, this is a bit cool for you!"

- "It's Ashley Tisdale."

Assumptions

"I just assumed you'd leave your clothes on the trestle because you're a trestle bitch."

Misheard words #1

"I'm completely sodden!"

*second person comes into changing room* "Why on EARTH are we talking about sodomy?"

Selfies

At Lola's: "We always take photos in the toilets on a night out!"

Next day: "Yeah, I don't know why we were taking photos, we never do that."

Being tired

"She's not even in a fit state to roll over."

*pause*

"Oh, wait, that sounds wrong."

Road safety #2

"GET IN THE ROAD...

....Oh, wait get OUT of the road!"

Cambridge problems

"Is your gown clean? I need to get gowned but mine has whipped cream on it."

Post-formal

"She just came out of formal and said she had to go put her heart rate monitor on for you."

Hot

'I'm so hot....temperature wise too.'

Cindies queue #2

"I'm moving to Linguistics Tripos."

Cindies queue #1

"Do your best pregnancy belly!"

Onions

"Yeah, just take an onion and I'll let you go to Cindies for free."

Err.

Person 1: *tries to determine weight of own head using kitchen scale*
Person 2: 'Ooohh! Let me try!

Cool stories, bro

"I washed my bin today actually."

Road safety?

'"He just came round with a screwdriver and lights and was like, "This is happening now!" '

First world problems #2

"Guys, the naan won't fit in the toaster!"

Decorating in Cambridge

"I really think you should put some bunting between your chandeliers to make it feel more homely."

Outfits

'I just can't look at him when he's wearing that pterodactyl...and a mankini.'

Ginger

*Prowls round the barbecue approaching all ginger haired people * 'Have you got suncream? '

Worst thing in the world

"Aw, is that one of those unskippable adverts? They are the worst thing in the world!"

A really sad story

"I got really drunk and I had six people... *unintended inappropriate pause*"

*general laughter ensues*

"...wait! It's actually a really sad story!"

Bunting

"I could just wear my bunting to the bop tomorrow?"