Masculinity

'I think my boyfriend has bigger boobs than me.'

Optimism

'I really thought that the fajita testicle was going to be the worst
part of last night'

Punishment

'That could be my punishment,  except that my boob cannot fit in my mug'

Accommodation

'I lived in Nanna Mexico over the summer.'

Life at Peterhouse

*Petrean entering room* ' I do really love potatoes'

Vaguely

'In fairness, her trying to shove it back in was vaguely sexual.'

First world problems

on eating a fajita: 'I need two mouths! '

Judgement

If I just cuddle the teddy, people won't judge me for spading!

One hand

"She could kill me with one hand...if she had a gun."

Basic standards

"I will buy some condoms, but I am not putting my cock in that machine."

Yolo

"People just say yolo and then I drink."

Splendid

"This is a splendid keyhole!"

Meat

Angry waiter trying to work out who is vegetarian at formal: *shoves slab of pork into person's face* "You want MEAT?"

Grandma #2

"My grandma is coming tomorrow."

"Your real grandma?"

"Yes."

"Is her name Dean?"

On rowing

Drunk fresher on rowing swap: "Rowing is a friender."

Already?

"But you've already kissed by the medium of text!"

Facebook

"Are you going to add that old man on Facebook?" *points to oil painting*

Favourite things

"What's your favourite thing about Peterhouse?"

"The fairies!"

Rules of pennying

"If I penny that candle, do you have to eat the wax?"

Being sneaky

Drunk Fresher: "You should just sneak into Lola's!"
Others: "How?"
Fresher: "You should pretend to be a tree..
                  .......oh wait, even I see how that's ridiculous."

More exciting

"I really think lamb is more exciting than beef."

M1

I'm the member of M1 who's the most bi.

Eyepatch

"I'm really good at staring contests because my sister used to wear an eyepatch."

Banana

*asking how to play Bananagrams* "Do we just have to spell 'banana'?"

FOMO

[before term begins] Person 1 *leaves rowing*

[week 2] Person 1 *attends outings, swaps and crew pasta*

Clocks

Person 1:"Why does EVERY film have a clock in it?"

Person 2: "Name another film with one it it."

Person 1: "All around the world in fifty days?"

Reminders

This blanket really reminds me of my towel.

Realisations

"I just didn't realise I'd made her naked."

Maybe

"This petal is so strong!...oooh, maybe I should be a PlantSci."

Grandma

"If it's not about Jews during the Holocaust, she generally doesn't like it."

Conception

"I conceived the whole letter-bop idea"

"...in your H-womb?"

"...by scissoring?"

Misheard words #2

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Drama

"You must never let the sun go down without knowing whether or not it is pus or not!"

Hot #2

*lecturer, pointing at a student who is about to answer a question correctly* 'YOU'RE HOT....oh, no like that.'

Worse things in life

"I'm sure there are worse things than tampons in hedges."

Safety first

"I feel like this bike is made of lead."

"Well at least it will protect you from radiation."

Calibration/circuits #3

"We should calibrate our bra sizes according to the number of dorsal raises that we can do."

Circuits #2

"So, you bend your arms like this."

"What arms?!"

Circuits

"...and this is how you do a dorsal raise."

"It looks like you are a dying fish."


*later* "Does this exercise look more or less like a dying fish than a dorsal raise?"

Mind map

Person 1: 'Eeeeeeee!'
Person 2: 'Oooh, what's happening?'
Person 1: 'Nothing, just getting excited about my mind map.'

Quality conversations

Person 1: "I just bought a towel from John Lewis and it cost me £25!"
Person 2: "Yeah, I have really bad bruises all over my legs."

New eye

"I had to get a new eye because I was staring at my phone too much."

Advice

*whilst washing a boat* "I was once told by a French farmer that I was never going to get married because I don't know how to clean windows."

Being cool.

*song comes on*

"Ooh, this is a bit cool for you!"

- "It's Ashley Tisdale."

Assumptions

"I just assumed you'd leave your clothes on the trestle because you're a trestle bitch."

Misheard words #1

"I'm completely sodden!"

*second person comes into changing room* "Why on EARTH are we talking about sodomy?"

Selfies

At Lola's: "We always take photos in the toilets on a night out!"

Next day: "Yeah, I don't know why we were taking photos, we never do that."

Being tired

"She's not even in a fit state to roll over."

*pause*

"Oh, wait, that sounds wrong."

Road safety #2

"GET IN THE ROAD...

....Oh, wait get OUT of the road!"

Cambridge problems

"Is your gown clean? I need to get gowned but mine has whipped cream on it."

Post-formal

"She just came out of formal and said she had to go put her heart rate monitor on for you."

Hot

'I'm so hot....temperature wise too.'

Cindies queue #2

"I'm moving to Linguistics Tripos."

Cindies queue #1

"Do your best pregnancy belly!"

Onions

"Yeah, just take an onion and I'll let you go to Cindies for free."

Err.

Person 1: *tries to determine weight of own head using kitchen scale*
Person 2: 'Ooohh! Let me try!

Cool stories, bro

"I washed my bin today actually."

Road safety?

'"He just came round with a screwdriver and lights and was like, "This is happening now!" '

First world problems #2

"Guys, the naan won't fit in the toaster!"

Decorating in Cambridge

"I really think you should put some bunting between your chandeliers to make it feel more homely."

Outfits

'I just can't look at him when he's wearing that pterodactyl...and a mankini.'

Ginger

*Prowls round the barbecue approaching all ginger haired people * 'Have you got suncream? '

Worst thing in the world

"Aw, is that one of those unskippable adverts? They are the worst thing in the world!"

A really sad story

"I got really drunk and I had six people... *unintended inappropriate pause*"

*general laughter ensues*

"...wait! It's actually a really sad story!"

Bunting

"I could just wear my bunting to the bop tomorrow?"

Being Awesome

"I was awesome last year. I just put my shoes on my knees and crawled into the bar."

Promotions

"It wasn't promotions, it was more like his spading sack!"

Be careful what you wish for

"I'm sad I haven't made the blog yet."

"That's because you haven't said anything quality."

"Yes I did! I asked if you wanted to come into the bedroom so I could explain scissoring!"

First world problems

"I'm not classier than you, I spilt my gin over everyone and then I got jam and pesto on my dress in the same day."

Fruit recognition

"That's a really big orange in your fruit bowl!"
 - "Yeah, that's 'cause it's a grapefruit."

Nails

Dejectedly, when a guy presents his thumb for nail polish application:  'You have big nails.'

Sunglasses

'Sunglasses are normally quite expensive, why would you want to shove them up your arse?'

Modesty

About Shropshire: 'I'm not racist or homophobic, that's just the rest of the county.'

Spade protection

'I might just wear a head camera when I go out to record what I do, and also because no one will ever want to get with me.'

Life without rowing

"Can you just make a blog about all the rowing banter? ... Oh wait, that means I have FOMO."

Hoovering

'I've just been hoovering so much'

(where apparently hoovering means yawning)

Later comment: 'It doesn't even sound like Hoover, I wasn't even thinking about Hoovers'

Stories from last night

'I didn't know he was called rapey Luke at the time.'

Going out

In Cosin Court, attempting to find out if I will be attending planned trip to Life:

*whilst pointing to toilet* 'Are you coming? 

Nosebleed

Story whilst waiting in the queue for hall:

'Sometimes at school I would pretend I had a nosebleed so I could get to the front of the dinner queue'