"I'll be sad when we don't have a room with period features any more."

"Do you know what else doesn't have period features?"

"A man?"

Cross Keys

*lying provocatively on the floor*

"I have never been so eligible as I am now."

Little known facts

"Nah, the nuns at my school were really harsh."

Important questions

"If you have phone sex, does it de-virginify your phone?"

Superficial

"It's ok, you don't need to look at his head."

Sophistication

"Yeah, I just store all my clothes on the floor."

Mistaken identities

"Ew, I was just eating my hair because I thought it was noodles."

Bad night

"I am a paedophilic homewrecker!"

Self restraint

"I need to not get with a ginger so I still have something left for Never Have I Ever."

That makes it OK then.

"I've never actually vommed on anything that bad."

Realisation

"I'm going to start a religion called Sadie-ism."

*Awkward moment as realises that it just sounds like sadism*

Sounds

"Boob on yoga mat - the sound of the boat house."

Blackout

"We were watching the fireworks from the library and I was so drunk I don't know what he did with me."

Life ambition

"If I'm a really good bedder, can I row for W1?"

Well-travelled

"I've probably vommed in four or five stations."

Judgements

"She's a married lady and you're just a twat."

Yes, yes you should.

"I should probably take my trousers all the way off, shouldn't I?"

Mental Reset

"I think I know what happened, I turned it on and off and it thinks its a virgin."

Confusion

"I think my mother's the confused one - she doesn't know whether she wants a lesbian or a slut."

Cambridge education

"Is an egg a dairy product?"

Disbelief

*group of Petreans find themselves unable to find a spade.*

Size matters

"I could bring my 22-inch-er?"

"Nah, I've got a 23."

Euphemisms

"I'm going on a post-Cindies sleepover next week."